


Odaiba Day (will be a disaster)

by ToastyToaster22



Series: Toasty's Digi AU Dump [4]
Category: Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Friends, I mean the crew is all here, Ken has major self esteem issues, So much guilt, Yamato would kill for Takeru, and guilt, ken centric, these kids need to communicate before someone gets hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22335274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToastyToaster22/pseuds/ToastyToaster22
Summary: It was really unfortunate that today would be one of those days where Ken's guilt bubbled hot and heavy in his stomach. A day that was supposed to be for celebrating and reminiscing and enjoying the company of so many friends. A day that Ken needed to spend out of the house when all he really wanted to do was crawl back under the blankets and hide.The Odaiba Day party wasn't the place to be accidentally starting a fight with Yamato Ishida. But here Ken was, and he wished he had any kind of clue as to why this was happening.
Relationships: Ishida Yamato | Matt Ishida & Takaishi Takeru | T.K. Takaishi, Takeru Takaishi & Ken Ichijouji
Series: Toasty's Digi AU Dump [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605736
Comments: 6
Kudos: 78





	1. A Nice Plate of Steaming Hot Guilt

Recovery is not a linear process.

It's not as simple as waking up and feeling a little better each day. It's not waking up one morning and noticing that suddenly everything is fine. It ebbs and flows. Its three steps forward and two steps back. It creeps. It jumps. It falters and surges.

Ken knew that. Ken was a genius.

So why did it always catch him off guard to wake up and feel completely wretched after over a year of being with the Chosen Children? Even after all the reassurances, even after all the effort they had put into making him feel forgiven and comfortable? Especially Daisuke. That boy bent over backwards and continued to do so to deal with Ken's ongoing issues. How was it that some days he felt so content, and others he woke up dripping with self-hatred again?

And why was it always at the most inconvenient times?

Ken curled up beneath the covers and ignored the persistent beeping of his alarm. Maybe if he plugged his ears hard enough, he could forget about the party and go back to sleep. Maybe he could feel better after he woke up… But he shouldn't blow everyone off. Though he honestly thought they would have a better time without him there.

Ken shut his eyes tightly at the thought of how disappointed Daisuke would be if he didn't show. That thought, more than anything else, was what forced him to pull back the covers and sit hunched on the bed. He felt sweaty and his head throbbed slightly. It had been warm enough in his room even before he burrowed under the covers.

"Are you feeling better, Ken?" A soft voice had him ducking his head, hiding his face behind his eyes. On days like this he could barely stand to look at Wormmon. His head would fill with the constant screamed curses and insults he used to hurl at his partner so carelessly.

Ken swallowed painfully and shook his head. No. No, his partner deserved better than that kind of dismissal. He forced his eyes upward to where the caterpillar digimon was curled at the end of the bed.

"Not really, Wormmon. But thank you," he croaked.

The little digimon saw the effort put into such a statement and practically glowed.

"You're welcome, Ken. Is there anything I can do for you?”  
  
The Chosen of Kindness hesitated, but Wormmon insisted that he always asked because he cared, and for no other reason.

Ken pointed weakly towards the desk.

"Can I have my D-terminal, please?"

The digimon was more than happy to oblige, and brought his phone over as well. His partner knew how much Ken hated seeing his own words written out. Each invitation he declined by email or text was like a visual failure. At least if he called someone, he had control over when to hang up. And it was that kind of day.

Ken dialed Daisuke's number hurriedly, hoping the other boy was still asleep so that he could leave a short message and go back to bed himself.

Daisuke answered on the second ring.

"Hey man, what's up?" He sounded so excited that Ken's throat closed up momentarily. Why was this so _hard?_

"…Hi, Daisuke…" Man, what he would give to make it sound like he wasn't about to cry.

On the other end, his friend was instantly alert.

"Ken, what's wrong? Is everything okay, dude?" He could hear Chibimon squeaking in the background. Even the squeaking sounded concerned.

"Oh… I just-I… I, no. No, it's a bad day. And I can't go. I'll ruin the party, I know it."

There was silence for a moment before Daisuke spoke up again, voice quiet.

"Do you need me to come over?"

Ken jolted at that.

"No! Daisuke, it's the Odaiba Memorial. You should be there with everyone. Have fun. I just don't think I should be there today. I'm not much company right now, you know?" Wormmon crawled into his lap and he absently stroked the digimon's head.

"I think everyone would be happy to see you. Even if its only for a little while," Daisuke said slowly. It wasn't to guilt Ken. Daisuke would never. But sometimes a reminder that the others did indeed enjoy seeing him was a little push. "Do you think getting out of your room might cheer you up? I know how dark and stuffy it can get in there. Have you opened the curtains yet?"

Ken shrugged, wishing his friend could see the motion through the phone.

"I'm taking that as a no. How about this? Take a shower, open your windows, and have something to eat. If you still feel like you should stay home, fine. But if you think you feel better enough to at least pop your head in, let me know. I'll come down and pick you up, and we have head over to the Yagami's apartment together, okay? I don't want to hear any crap about train wares and being a waste of time, got it?"

Ken made it to the party.

Twenty minutes later, he wished he hadn't.

* * *

The Chosen of Kindness felt incredibly out of place as he and Daisuke squeezed through the crowd around the door. They were late, but no one seemed to care much, tossing cheery greetings at them as they waved. Well, Ken waved. Daisuke and Chibimon called back to each person who said hello, and each digimon as well. The volume grated on Ken's ears. After so many years of rarely speaking outside of interviews, big groups and gatherings tended to overwhelm him.

A few minutes of awkward mingling later, Chibimon and Wormmon got bored and claimed the food table was whispering their names. Daisuke teasingly reminded them to leave some food for the rest of them. Ken forced a smile, but it faded hardly a second later. Wormmon paused, glancing back to his distressed partner.

"Do you want me to stay, Ken? I'm not really that hungry."

Ken swore his heart dropped into his stomach. He didn't deserve this partner who cared so much. Not after what he'd done How could Wormmon stand to look at him after how he'd treated him, screamed at him, _whipped him_? He didn't deserve such kindness.

Heart pounding, he managed to choke out,

"No thank you, I'm fine."

He tried not to acknowledge the shrewd look Daisuke gave him out of the corner of his eye. If he thought about it too much, he would think about everyone who was probably looking at him right now. If he thought about everyone staring while he wasn't looking, he was going to get paranoid again. He'd mentioned the feeling to Daisuke once, the feeling of being in some unseen spotlight. The spikey haired boy had assured him that it was okay for friends to look at each other, and the only person who looked at him weirdly was Miyako. And that was apparently because she had some disgustingly large crush on him. Daisuke's words, not his. But the thought was not something Ken could even begin to comprehend, genius or not.

A hand on his shoulder startled him away from his thoughts. His best friend was peering at him and still trying to appear nonchalant.

"Ken, are you sure you're okay? We can leave if you want, but I'd really like to stay if you can handle it."

Ken felt a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck. Why was Daisuke so nice to him? How could they all stand to be around him? A tiny voice in the back of his mind cried that he was starting to spiral. That they had told him many, many times why he was forgiven and why he should forgive himself too. But he couldn't remember what those reasons were. The anxiety caused by Daisuke's continuous staring smothered any intelligent thoughts.

"I'm an awful person."

He had not meant to say it out loud. But he had whispered it and judging by the sudden hard look on Daisuke's face and the way the friendly hand on his shoulder changed to a firm grip… Daisuke had heard.

"Not this crap again," the boy ground out, guiding Ken through the living room and toward a more private corner.

Oops. It looked like he had bypassed his friend's tolerances for trash talking himself. When that happened, Daisuke had one of two reactions: either he got that sad, kicked puppy look and listed off every good thing Ken had ever done… Or he got pissed and tried to snap or shake Ken out of that line of thinking. Ken preferred the puppy route, but he never got to pick. And Daisuke didn't have endless patience.

He was however, thoughtful enough to position himself in front of Ken so that almost no one in the room could see him. Unfortunately, it also put Ken's back to the wall with a huffy, grouchy boy in front, whisper-shouting at him. Ken tried to listen. Honestly, he did. Yet it was very difficult with the happy scenes beyond Daisuke's shoulder distracting him. The giggling digimon stuffing their faces. Piyomon singing Sora's name. Gomamon draped over Jyou's head. It was too much. He couldn't be around such nice, generous people. People who had never done anything as terrible as he had.

His stomach churned. Palmon did a twirl while Mimi clapped. Frustrated tears prickled in his eyes. Patamon snuggled Takeru, cheek to cheek. He felt like he was boiling.

With a Herculean effort, he ripped his gaze back to Daisuke's still whispering face.

"-why you can't forgive yourself?"

Everything snapped into sharp focus at that.

" _Because anyone terrible enough to get their digimon killed deserves the pain that comes with it!"_

Ken's ears rang and his heart thundered in his chest. Daisuke took half a step back, looking staggered. Maybe by what he had said. Maybe because one of the quietest people in the group had just yelled in his face.

Yelled.

Oh lord, he had yelled that.

You could have heard a pin drop, the room was so still. Every head was frozen in his direction. Ken had just enough time to wish he could drop dead before the room exploded into motion.

There were many possibilities of what could happen next, and if Ken had the time, he would have thought them all out and sorted them from "they pity me some more" to "they finally realize I'm a bad person and kick me out forever". What he did not anticipate was an irate blond shoving Daisuke out of the way so that he could grab Ken by the shirt and slam him against the wall. His fist was raised and he looked ready to punch through to the plaster.

Staring into the most furious blue eyes he had ever seen, Ken vowed then and there to never get this close to Yamato Ishida ever again.


	2. A Side of Good Friend Fries

"Take. That. _Back_." Yamato hissed threateningly.

If Ken hadn't been so terrified by the absolute rage in those blue eyes, he would have been completely baffled by these tactics. Daisuke and Miyako had definitely resorted to smacking some sense into him once or twice when he was in dire need of a reality check, but by the way Yamato's knuckles were white and shaking, this was going to be much more of the "knock your teeth out" type of punch. Even for the seriousness of what he had said, this seemed like a bit of an extreme reaction.

Especially seeing as it was _Yamato_. The one chosen child he had probably interacted with the least. Only a few brief words had been exchanged between the two boys in the past months. In Ken's eyes, Yamato had always been a voice of reason, preferring to listen than to speak. The only times he had seen the older boy in any way chatty or emotive was when Taichi or Takeru had been harassing him.

So why was it that here he was, attempting to murder Ken with his eyes? Why would he care the slightest bit about him talking poorly about himself?

"I said, take. It. Back!" The older boy tightened his grip on Ken's shirt.

Ken's eyes darted around the room for an explanation, for help, for anything. Most of the chosen and digimon were vaguely clustered around them. Miyako was tugging incessantly on the back of Yamato's jacket, loudly asking what his problem was. Daisuke was fighting Taichi to get back to Ken's side, but the former leader held him off with a hand to his chest. To his shock, even Jyou and Koushiro had uncharacteristically peeved looks on their faces, and they were focused in his direction.

It was Iori who gave him pause. He stood off to the side, mouth open as if he would say something any minute, but instead just kept looking from Ken to whatever was behind Sora's back.

What the hell was going on?

"Take that back, or I give you a black eye and we can start over," Yamato growled.

"Yamato!" Sora's chastising tone was hardly heard over Daisuke's protests.

Take it back? Why? Why was it so scandalizing to everyone that he still blamed himself for Wormmon's demise? In his eyes, it _was_ his fault. What was so bad about saying it out loud?

Taichi managed to pin Daisuke in place with an alpha leader glare and finally turned to Ken. His face was only one degree less terrible than Yamato's.

"Okay, what the hell, Ken? Apologize. That was way out of line and you know it."

Ken's heart stopped.

Apologize.

_Apologize._

They weren't attacking him because of what he'd said about himself. They were defending someone else.

The realization of what that meant almost made him vomit.

"Wha…?" he breathed in disbelief.

Yamato's face hardened. "Not good enough."

Ken braced for the blow, but his eyes were locked on the chosen of friendship.

"Stop!" A raw voice interrupted.

That wasn't Daisuke.

Takeru Takaishi skidded into view, eyes wild but focused on his brother.

"Onii-chan, don't! He didn't mean it like that!"

He put his back to Ken and yanked on Yamato's outstretched arm. His brother's face paled, but remained furious.

"Teeks, this asshole just-"

"I know! But don't do this, let him go." Takeru ducked under his brother's arm and blocked Ken with his body. This close Ken could see that he was trembling, yet his stance was firm.

"Get out of the way, Takeru." Yamato flexed his fist and clenched it again.

Patamon was suddenly on Ken's shoulder, blocking Yamato as well. His wings were flared, ready for a fight. Takeru took a step toward his brother so that they were almost nose to nose.

"Onii-chan. Let. Go. Don't fight over me."

The confirmation sent Ken's stomach dropping down through the floor.

Yamato blanched, pulling back just enough to see his little brother properly. The rest of the room seemed to be holding their breath. Ken had never heard of these brothers arguing.

"If you think I'm just going to stand here and let this shit talk about you like-"

Takeru covered his face with his hands a let out a muffled scream before throwing them out and shoving Yamato just hard enough to make him step back. The shock of the movement had him letting go of Ken's shirt. The chosen of kindness slid down the wall, knees weak.

"Ken doesn't know! None of them do! I didn't tell anyone, okay Yamato? Not even… not even Hikari."

Takeru slumped at the admission. Ken couldn't see his face, but the chosen of hope sounded anguished. Surprise was mirrored in the faces of each of the original chosen. Yamato alone looked suddenly guilty, but it swiftly changed to concern.

Patamon let out a small, pained sound, still perched on Ken's shoulder. His eyes were glued to his partner, face intense. Ken barely even noticed Wormmon crawl onto his leg.

Yamato swallowed loudly, his breath escaping in a hushed sigh.

"I thought after Iori… I thought you would have told everyone. I didn't realize he was keeping it a secret too…"

His voice was softer than Ken could ever remember hearing. Some of the other chosen shuffled back, looking embarrassed. Others looked away, sensing that this was a private conversation. Taichi alone continued staring at Takeru as if he had never seen him properly.

Without the older boy there to stop him, Daisuke stumbled over to Ken and slid down to the floor beside him in a daze.

"What the hell is going on?" Daisuke breathed, eyes stuck on Takeru's back.

Ken almost chuckled, fighting back tears.

"I ruined the party."

Daisuke chose to ignore the statement.

"But like, what are they talking about? I've heard the whole story of what happened when the other kids went in from Taichi and he never said anything about anyone's partner getting deleted. When the heck did this happen?"

Patamon leaned forward to look at the confused child, his small face solemn.

"It wasn't long after they arrived in the digital world. Takeru was… heartbroken. The others try not to mention it around him, if at all. It still… upsets him."

Both boys scowled at the understatement.

"No kidding," Daisuke muttered.

Taichi's loud voice brought their attention back to the brothers.

"Takeru, it’s not healthy to be bottling up something that big," Taichi had a stern, disapproving look on his face that had Takeru shying away and hunching his shoulders.

Yamato shot his friend a short frown, then sighed, trying to catch Takeru's eye.

"Teeks, you can't possibly agree with him, can you? What happened was in no way your fault, and you certainly did not _deserve_ to lose Patamon. You have to know that." His voice started off soft, but ended much closer to desperate than he had probably wanted.

The chosen of hope gave a jerky shrug, eyes trained on his socks. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides.

Yamato and Taichi exchanged a slightly disturbed look. Yamato stepped forward, mouth open to speak, but before he could, Takeru did.

"Can we not do this right now?" He hugged himself, eyes darting around the room. Though most of the others were pretending not to listen, they could most likely hear every word. "Just, not now. Please, Onii-chan?"

Any remaining frustration drained from Yamato's face at the plea. He raked a hand though his hair, huffing slightly.

"Okay," he murmured, "But we have to talk about it later. I'm not letting this go, got it?"

Takeru gave a small nod. He hesitated, then shuffled in and dropped his head to his brother's chest. Yamato wrapped him in a tight hug, pressing his cheek to his little brother's hair.

Ken had to look away. He would not think about Osamu today. Things had gone badly enough without going there.

Takeru turned his head to get some air. "Sorry I pushed you."

Yamato huffed lightly. "Well, I’m sorry I told everybody your secret. Even if I didn't know it was one. Do you want me to take you home?"

A shake of the head was his answer.

"I have to talk to Ken." He sounded resigned to the fact that this debacle wasn't entirely over.

Ken balked. No. No, he did not need to talk to Ken. Ken was perfectly fine hiding over here on the floor and pretending he didn't exist. Maybe he could leave before-

Oh no, he was already coming over.

Takeru slid down on Ken's other side, studiously looking at the floor. He slumped even lower than Ken and brought his knees up to his nose. He looked exhausted. Without a word, Patamon slipped off Ken's shoulder and squeezed into his partner's cramped lap. He nosed his way under Takeru's chin and closed his eyes.

Kens heart pounded in his chest in anticipation. Part of his could not even wrap his head around the fact that someone else in their group had lost their partner. And above all else, that it had been Takeru. The walking sunbeam. Hope personified. How could he seem so happy when such a tragedy had occurred? He wasn't sunny now, and it had honestly been unnerving to see him like this. And yet there was a tiny part of him, deep in his chest that was… well, happy was not the word for it. But he was not alone anymore. Daisuke was amazing, and listened almost endlessly, but here was someone who actually understood. Even though their situations had been completely different, (and Ken was sure they were) the loss of a partner had probably brought the same kind of pain.

Ken started when Takeru suddenly took a deep breath and turned towards him for the first time. He looked about as wrecked as Ken felt.

"Sorry Onii-chan attacked you like that. He'll apologize when he cools off. He usually does."

Ken had to mentally shake himself to get his mouth to unlock.

"It's really okay…"

"It's not, but that was my fault. So. Sorry." He paused, seeming to brace himself for what he would say next. Looking his friend in the eye, he said firmly, "Patamon died."

Ken found himself nodding, not knowing what else to do.

"Yeah. It was… it was a long time ago. And sometimes I think I should be over it, but that's, how do you do that? It’s hard. What you said wasn't true. I know it’s not. Because even after everything you did, no matter how mad I was at you, I would never have wanted Wormmon dying to be your punishment. Because I know. I-I know how much it hurts… and I wouldn't want that for anyone. So, you're wrong. You don't deserve it. And neither do I." Takeru stopped, taking in the doubt on Ken's face. "But sometimes it’s really hard to believe that, huh?"

Ken's eyes watered in gratitude.

"Some days are better than others."


End file.
